September is…

Hey everyone I hope this bit of conversation is finding each of you happy and well. I want to touch base with you all about a subject that is very close to some of our hearts and can and is very difficult to discuss and or get past. In addition to September holding the memory of one of the worst events to hit the United States, The “Attack” on the World Trade Center Towers, the Pentagon, and attempt of the flight headed to the White House.

September is ‘Suicide Awareness’ Month. Suicide isn’t something that I discuss lightly as it is an issue for me personally. I have since childhood had suicidal thoughts, tendencies and attempts. I am grateful that the higher power within the Universe has been diligent in not allowing my attempts to be successful. Yet these thoughts do linger within the far reaches of my mind and are always just a whisper away from charging to the forefront. I will tell you that the last severe episode I had with this evil smoldering antagonist was just shy of two years ago. As is not an out of the normal situation, I was headlong in a battle for survival and was feeling as though the best way to end it was for me to just get it all over with. The constant ebb and flow of pain, feelings of worthlessness and the belief that I am simply a burden to my girls. I was also angry with the Universe for all of the shit that goes on in my world everyday since I can remember. Growing up in an emotionally and physically abusive home, being ridiculed by what seemed like the world at the time, not believing that anyone could or would care or be willing to help and terrified to actually reach out and try. Living a life that has been filled with anger and self loathing, never believing in myself or my abilities, never communicating with anyone in a healthy way. I could go on and on. My adult life has been hellishly trying in my eyes as well with the only true light being that of the two beautiful young women that I was blessed to bring into this world. Yet through all of the love and joy I have found with them I still have the suicidal whisper twining through my subconscious. I do feel better equipped now than I have ever been since overcoming my fear and accepting the need for help and actually taking advantage of it. I feel somewhat more stable and stronger in my determination not to attempt this horrible step.

Please know for those of you out there that have similar thoughts feelings and or desires there is a way out. Please please know that someone is willing to listen and help you to overcome your self challenges and desires that are driving these thoughts and tendencies. You are important and you do have meaning and a purpose even if it doesn’t seem likely, talk to someone. You can always reach out to me and I will do everything within my ability to help.

Now some statistics- Between 1999 – 2016 rates of suicides have reached a 30 year high in 49 of the U.S’s 50 states (not including territories). With the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) stating that suicide is a major health issue in the United States. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death here, successfully claiming the lives of nearly 45,000 people according to 2016 statistics. For individuals between the ages of 10- 34, it has become the 2nd leading cause of death and for people between the ages of 35-54 it is the 4th leading cause of death. Within the United States suicide deaths are twice the number of that of Homicide deaths. In addition Men are more successful than women regardless of age with the highest rates among American Indian/Alaskan Natives, followed by White/Non-Hispanic populations.

I will end hear by hoping that this finds you having a great day and and an even better tomorrow. In addition if anyone of you are experiencing overwhelming feelings of despair, sadness, or feelings of wanting just to end it all, PLEASE reach out to someone, and in the event you don’t feel that any of your friends or family can or will help or understand call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) any time 24/7 there is no judgement or criticizing here only compassion and understanding.

I would love to hear your thoughts or of your own experiences, talk to me in the comments below.

~Heidi

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